TALKING TO YOUR PARTNER

Relationships are all about communication and at times that gets lost in the day to day living and thinking that your partner should know how you feel.

There comes a time in every relationship when “the chat” is necessary and this can feel rather daunting as it can so often it ended in fights, tears or a feeling of total frustration that you were not being heard.

Here are a few steps on how to approach talking to your partner where it does not become a blame session and each of you can have your say.

Before you even start talking make sure that you have what you want in mind and try as hard as possible to stick to that, so it does not become a free for all.

Then make an appointment with your partner, nothing threatening but ask him to set aside time or be available to have a chat. For the best results this needs to be done face to face

ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR PARTNER

Even the words “I want to talk to you” or “let’s chat about the situation” can have this ominous feel. To start the conversation and to set the tone for it, it is advisable to start off by acknowledging your partners good points. There must be some things that you really like about him or her. This is a very important part of getting your partner to start listening. Everyone likes being complimented

and it opens them up to wanting to hear more as well as taking the edge off this interaction.

for example: - I want to thank you for being in my life and I want you to know that I love the way you are so caring and kind

THE ISSUE

Of course, there is something that is bothering you or that you are not happy about so now it is time to bring that up and all you are doing her is stating what is worrying you. Doing it in a non-confrontational way and just saying it as part of the conversation is important so your partner know what you are trying to address

for example: - please can we talk about how we both feel about chatting to each other or about the party we went to last night or what happened on Wednesday.

As you can see there is no blame in any of these statements or requests, but it is giving the chat a reason

YOUR FEELINGS

You then start to address your feelings around the subject or area of concern. Always remember that your feelings are important to you and by discussing it with your partner you are showing him that you have had an emotional reaction to what has happened

for example: - It really hurt me when we went to that party last night and you kept on talking to all the women in the room or I was really upset on Wednesday when you did not return my call

WHY IS IT A PROBLEM

So that your partner can understand why you are feeling hurt or upset you will need to elaborate a bit more. You are still discussing your feelings and not pointing fingers or blaming.

For example: - this is a problem for me because I feel that when you talk to all the women at the party that I am not being respected and I feel as if I am being ignored or I find that I have a problem when you do not return my call as I care about you so much that I worry that something may have happened to you.

HOW YOU WOULD LIKE IT TO BE IN THE FUTURE

After explaining why you have been hurt or are not happy with something it is always good to have a solution or a suggestion of how you would like it to be in the future.

for example: - I would real appreciate that when we are in a similar situation again and it would really make me feel better that you would include me when you are talking to the other women and acknowledge who I am in your life or it would put my mind at rest if you would just let me know that you are okay. I understand you may be busy and not able to always call back, but it would lessen my worry or fears so much if you just even sent me a thumbs up

I am sure you get the basic idea of how to work through these steps, of course you will need to tailor your chat to suit your own situation and I can reiterate enough how you need to really think it through before diving into the chat. BE ready and be prepared and also know that your partner may not agree with you but one thing you have done is put your point across in a beautiful and measured way and sometimes it takes the other person a while to ponder on what you have said and come to some understanding.

You have now brought up a subject that has been playing on our mind and making you feel rather uncomfortable for a while. WELL DONE!!!!!

NOW TIME FOR YOU TO LISTEN

And now you would like some feedback and the best way to ask for that is to simply ask

What do you think and feel about this and how can we work on this together?

Asking your partner firstly for their feelings makes them feel a bit validated in this discussion and then asking them how WE can work on this brings the subject around to something that both of you need to deal with and that you would love his input and suggestions.

If you have more than one area you would like to deal with, try not to address more than one subject per conversation. Concentrating on issues subject by subject gives both of you time to appraise it and deal with each one so it does not become overwhelming.

Blessings to you and enjoy mastering the art of resolving conflict with this type of communication